Today we keep up with the theme we started last Friday when I asked "Do you want to be alive?"

The next step is, what does that FEEL like to you?  And what does it mean to be REAL?

Fully awake, alive, real, and in the moment kind of feeling?

In the same way Marie Le Pen said if we can't name evil to fight against it in France recently when talking about Islamic Terror - we can't fight FOR what it is we DO want if we can't name it also.

Today I invite you to not only think about what it means to you, but to take the time to sit down and make a list - yes, to take ACTION!

What is the actual feeling - feel like to you? 

You can find examples in the trailer for the movie "The Search for Freedom" I played in the podcast or below right here.

I have to ask though - when participating in high risk sport is it to do the sport or to chase the feeling?  Something to think about!

Next, what does the word - REAL - mean to you?

Think about it in the context of 'real life' or 'real relationship' or 'real human' - this isn't a silly question as Artificial Intelligence gets closer to being 'real' - what is its opposite?

And as virtual reality becomes more all consuming for more and more people, what is real reality?

And as we engage more and more of our time with digital, online, or entertainment sources - what does real mean in terms of how we spend our time?

As always, there are no right or wrong answers to any of this.  The point I am trying to make is always the same - who do you want to be?

If we don't actively explore, seek, think, investigate, or just wonder - reality and the concept of alive will be defined and controlled for us.  We will be nothing more than a passenger on a ride or a pod in the matrix.

Again, as Christmas approaches, these two books are filled with so much simple wisdom in their original form. 

I think today I won't write much because the podcast says it all.

And, if we can't listen for 30 minutes about the subject of our own life and is not something we want, value, and will fight for - then you are in the wrong place.

It is a powerful podcast and very personal - this is a question I've spent my whole trying to find a way to say yes and mean it.

We also cover why someone you love may not want to live and why. 

As many of us head into the sea of family I am sure some of you know that sailing could be a bit stormy....

Holidays tend to do that. 

Which brings me to the question for today -which are you? Iceberg or Lighthouse?

The image is easy and the assumption quick.  But as you know, my invitation is always to look deeper and more honestly at who you really are vs. who we like to think we are.

I liked this quote because it can go either way.  I also like the idea of the lighthouse because even if it is ALL GOOD deep and hidden within you, why are you hiding below the surface?

It can be hard to shine your light when all around you is dark and stormy skies and seas. 

Yet if we don't, why are we here?

We talked last time on the podcast about who you are in the midst of conflict.  The idea of being the one person who is calm and steady in the storm rings true when we think lighthouse.

It is simple really in idea and difficult in practice.  It is a skill to become open, transparent, above board, and mostly - consistent.

Restraint is not the same thing as deception.  Yet in our world deception is the name of the game.  We are a culture of icebergs swimming in a sea of sharks.

Why keep what is most vulnerable where the sharks can actually get you?

This weekend regardless of being with family or not, take the time to observe your self in who you are - restrained or deceptive?  A light that is steady no matter how much crazy and chaos is going on around you or a facade of steady while below the surface you are simmering with rage.

In the less extreme, who are you as you do the daily grind - resentful or accepting?  Are you grateful or do you feel victimized by circumstance?

And if you are going to travel - be it highway or by air - you most likely will have ample time to think about this in the most extreme of circumstance!  Holiday travel is the next closest thing to a war zone.

Just one more thing to put on your list to think about - but it is a powerful thought isn't it! 

I was listening a good interview yesterday with Sally Fallon of the Weston A. Price Foundation on food and health.  She reminded me of some interesting facts about food and health I hadn't thought about in a while.

For instance, did you know the traditional Native American Cure for infertility is one month of Bear Fat? 

I found the wisdom of Weston Price many years ago and on my greatest wish list would be to have access to the real foods that will create better health.  You can listen to the full  interview below:

It strikes me with no great irony or remorse that I live with 10+ cows that eat grass and have milk but I can't get access to this precious real food plus the butter, cream, and whey they make.  Deep sigh....

But the baby cows are ultra healthy.

The short version is Dr. Price was a dentist in search of the best food for optimal health as witnessed by good teeth.  That is the picture below - a broad face, perfect teeth, and no cavities were the result of real food that was available and pre-western influence. It was the animal foods the natives valued most.  And it was the fat soluble vitamins: A,D,K that were the common link in the diets.

In contrast to the Paleo diet beliefs, native people ate LEAN MEAT LAST - often throwing it out when animals were plenty.  Just like the bears do with the salmon when it is abundant.

The explanation I'll leave for you to listen to the interview - fascinating!  But the bottom line is food matters.

As Christmas is on the horizon, one of the best books on all of this is a cookbook by Sally Fallon.  The recipes are less exciting then the details of HOW to prepare the foods in the ways that extract the highest level of nutrition.  It is filled with facts and processes that will take you a long way with or without electricity!

The book most famous by Dr. Price on Nutrition is a bit hard to read - I kept waiting for the actual diets to be described.  The Cookbook Nourishing Traditions is a better investment and useful.

I know most days I cover the more abstract and thoughtful as I ask you "who do you want to be?"

But the saying we are what we eat is more true than not and as the weather turns cold cooking something seems to be more inviting!

Rodney King asked 'why can't we all just get along' but he never got his answer.  And, while there is no one size fits all answer to the issue of conflict and its resolution we can be guaranteed it will always exist.

So, if conflict is a constant in our world, how do we get along despite it?  This is the topic for today's podcast!

I have been thinking more about this in the wake of what has been happening on college campuses here in the U.S.  This article about the defense of Free Speech from college professors describes some of their challenges.

I am sure you too have thought about it as videos abound of students protesting their rights to their opinions but no one else does so they can feel protected.

Contrasting our right to speak freely is the other trend occurring - freedom of religion and its practices.

No one who is politically correct wants to say the words radical and Islam in the same sentence.  Yet the terrorism that is being displayed is exactly a radical opinion that is in conflict with the belief of others and their religions.

All laced with the irony that those who do the worst often practice their religion in the least.

Which brings me to today's point.

What do we do when we disagree with someone?  How will we all get along when some can't use their words or control their tempers and actions?

The only thing we have control over is our selves.  That part is clear.  What isn't is how do we respond when the other disagrees, has a temper tantrum, or tries to blow us up?

I had a few thoughts for us to consider.

Start from the place that you are dealing with a two year old.  Why?  Because anyone who can't handle conflict is acting from about that level of emotional maturity and isn't going to make decisions that keep either of you safe.

Humans develop identity at around two years of age.  Parents will experience their child starting to say "NO" just to see what they can and can't say no to.

If the parent doesn't start teaching the child about boundaries, cause and effect, and how to deal with feelings of frustration we end up with spoiled college protesters and radical bombers.

Which leads to what do we actually do?

If YOU have a strong reaction of intense rage because someone doesn't agree with you, then the place to start is you and not the other.  Maturity means someone can disagree and you don't lose your own identity because you fear someone has a different view in life.

If the other person is having a fit, you can sort out a bit more.

Is anyone in actual danger or just feelings being hurt?

Is this a time to let the other experience the effect of their cause - such as fire burns, words can get you fired, and feelings on fire does not equal you being right just because you think you are.

Is this a time to teach boundaries?  Conflict resolution does not equal doormat.  Nor does the idea of turning the other cheek.  Like a two year old, sometimes we need to hear the word no.

Is violence about to happen?  Conflict that goes violent means someone needs to be calm during the storm.  Can You?  The other person being violent sometimes means you need to step up and other times it means you need to step back.

What I do know is if you are reacting from a place of fear and insecurity the decision you make isn't going to be much better then the one the other is making.

And sometimes you let the other person 'win' so to speak.

The need to be right at any cost is as much a danger as is the true believer - who is really just someone who needs to be right at any cost.

If we never let a two year old win, that child will only be learning that they are a failure and may learn to cope by growing up without skills to both manage conflict and also be a good winner.

We need multiple skills to manage and resolve conflict.  Guns aren't always the answer.  Words don't always work.  Walking away only works sometimes.  But being mature enough to not react to the other is the constant to keeping any situation from having a worse case scenario outcome.

Today, observe your self when someone disagrees with you.  What happens?  Does your temper flare?  Do you need to correct the other or make your opinion CLEAR.  Can you listen without interrupting and getting louder and more upset?

Seek first to understand the other is important advice.  Seeking first to BE understood rarely works.

Getting along with others is one of the #1 survival skills all of us need.  It is also one of the most lacking.

Going at life alone sounds nice, but only works as long as someone else is doing the getting along so you can go alone. 

Today is as a good a day as any to think about who you are and conflict.  There is no shortage of news stories about what doesn't work, for you what will?